My first glimpse of ego death was when my rational, logical mind was completely disregarded through pure experience. I had been going through the overwhelming trauma of soul connection separation.
I remember I kept driving myself mad with questions over and over. One after the other, going in circles, making myself crazy with trying to understand what was happening to me.
I would ask why constantly. Why God, why this, why that. In the start of this process, I know for me, I literally wanted to die much of the time. It was in times of complete surrender where something mind blowing would occur.
There was a particularly brief, but nonetheless, powerful event that happened. It stopped my thoughts in their tracks and gave me a good kick in the pants. It was then, that I knew I had to stop using my logic and thinking all together.
I realized it had nothing to do with anything that was actually taking place. It just helped encourage the stress to build in my brain and body. It tempted the mind to keep on spinning in those dizzy loops.
Me over thinking and asking why did not give more answers. It just made me want to pile questions on top of questions to add to the agony of the situation.
The sudden moment I had was like a bolt of lightening that hit me and shook me up. And this was only a taste of what ego death is, it was only the beginning of what was to come. But my awareness was curious, waiting for it’s turn, peeking through the cracks.
Obviously, you do not actually die when you go through ego death, but a part of you dies. The person that you THOUGHT you were dies. The person you THOUGHT you were suppose to portray to others dies. But the REAL YOU appears and takes over to replace this image you were trying to fulfill.
This is why ego death is at the core of spiritual practices and also why it is a confusing, painful experience to say the least. The pain you go through is the ego part of you struggling, suffering, tugging back and forth.
But then you finally break free. You are letting go of all the things you thought you knew and you are stepping into the reality of how things truly are.
That is a scary thing for any human being.
